(Began post August 2013) As I've prepared to write this blog on our latest blessing as a family, I reflect on how God continuously blows my mind and rocks my world with his crazy faithfulness and love for his children. Also as I write this, I find the whisperer of lies saying "nobody is going to believe you, its too un-believable." What is unbelievable is that I would get discouraged by the discredited lies of Satan instead of the absolute truths of the grace of God in my life. The bible says in
Revelation 12:11-And they have defeated him (Satan) by the blood of the Lamb and by their testimony. That's what I'll be sharing, and in sharing, Satan will be defeated and God will receive glory for his amazing goodness.
It begins with expecations and conference. You might remember from my last post that God moved in a mighty way after attending a conference and laying me requests/expectations before the Lord. I love going to conferences/events. I love being poured into. I love the faith increase I experience, and I love encountering the radical love of God. Every conference I attend, I write expectations. This one was no different. I attended the Worldcast Conference at Yakima Foursquare (July 2013). The entire conference was amazing! God refined and redefined who I am. He once again increased my faith to new, deeper and higher levels. On the last night of the conference, I was overjoyed with all God had done in my life during this conference. As the conference was coming to a close, they offered prayer to anyone who wanted prayer. I hesitated to go up, but I obediently listened to the nudge that was saying go get prayer for sex. TOO MUCH INFORMATION! That might be what your thinking, but this will all come together. I believe that even in my transparency to explain this, men and woman reading this will be set free in their sexual intimacy with their spouse. They will receive the healing I received and that God longs to give. As I waited in line, I was praying that God would give me the freedom, healing and restoration I desired in my intimacy with my husband. I was praying that God would make the right person available to pray for me. Two women approached me and asked me if I were waiting to receive prayer and I said "yes." When they asked what I wanted prayer for, I said exactly what I wrote above. I wanted prayer for sex, but what I meant by that was that I would have a desire to be intimately vulnerable with my husband. I know that God intends for a husband and wife to become one together sexually and often wasn't wanting this. I felt like by not desiring this, I was in someway rejecting and causing division in my God intended union with Luke. I wanted to honor my husband and God in this area, but I felt closed off in this area. The women proceeded to ask some questions, one being "Did I have sex before marriage?" The answer was yes. Our prayer for my healing began by forgiving and receiving back (what I had given away) from those men, including Luke. As I forgave them, I felt the healing and restoration of my purity. They asked me how I was feeling and I shared that I felt completely made new in my purity, like a virgin (as I write this, I can't help but break out into a Madonna song...feel free as well). I felt like the heaviness of that lifted. After this, I felt amazing. I could have walked away because I received the healing I wanted from the Lord. Our prayer for my restoration didn't end there. The women asked if I had got married in a church. I had to chuckle because I had actually got married at Yakima Foursquare. The very church we were standing in. This is not the church we attend (its our church's sister church). Only God would work it out like this. They said to me that we were going to have a wedding since I was made whole in my purity. Now, let me clarify, Luke was not at this event with me.
(Completed March 2015) These women walked me through what I'll call a "spiritual wedding ceremony." I recommitted my covenant of marriage to my husband with the complete purity I had just been restored with. It was the truly the wedding God intended for me to have, and fortunately I was going to walk away that evening with the wholeness of my heart and purity that was always meant for Luke. In the midst of our "spiritual wedding," I realized that this covenant was different because it was being made with Jesus as well. I was also able to speak from my heart the most beautiful, Holy Spirit led vows for him and for Jesus. The gist of the vows were that I was bringing a a treasure box that contained my heart. The outside of the box was dazzling with all of my best that was always meant for him. I was giving myself to him as a blameless sacrifice. After the prayer/spiritual wedding, the ladies asked if they could pray for my womb because they remembered I had mentioned the loss of our daughters. I gladly received the prayer. As they were praying for me, I clearly heard the Lord say, "Go home and get pregnant like you did on your wedding night," while reassuring me that this was my new wedding night. I walked away, blown away by how overwhelmingly wonderful that whole experience was. I returned to my seat and friends, telling them what had just happened and what I heard the Lord say. As I left the conference, sitting in my car, I told God that I wasn't ready to be pregnant (for selfish reasons) but that I wanted to be obedient and I would be, and if that resulted in a baby I would rejoice and give him the glory. When I got home, I was able to remember the vows and shared them with Luke. It was a beautiful moment which extended to my obedience which led to the most beautiful blessing of a baby girl, Kensington Faith who was conceived that night and born April 7, 2014.
